Sunday, June 28, 2015

I love you family

To be read when I am gone. Each family member should read their own. 

My family. I love you. For this past year you've caused tears to roll down my cheeks, for this day. Thanks for the times we've shared. If leaving on my mission can accomplish only one thing with you guys, I want it to bring you closer. Realize that family time is precious above everything else. Build your relationships with intentional effort. I love you guys. 

Tyler- as we "painted" the inside of the playhouse you looked at me with concern because I was crying. I tried to explain my tears were for you. But at least you understand "comfort" and "love" already and that's all I felt through your kind hug to me. I love you. 

Sarah- you know how to love.  Your hugs to me have always been sincere. Thanks for asking me to play all the time. I love you. 

Rebecca- when you're laughing hard, everyone else is too, because of you. Thanks for being the biggest fan of our dances in my room. You dance hard! Thanks you for sharing with me a love of ewoks. I love you. 

Katelyn- remember driving fast in our church parking lot and turning really hard? I do. You're always willing to spend time with me whether it's teaching me how to do something, or playing sports. I love you. 

Kyle- I remember as a little kid you always make me laugh when you stole my stuff, and then would laugh so hard you couldn't run fast enough  to escape. Also it's a pleasant surprise when I find out I have so many new pictures on my iPod – all crazy selfie's of you. I remember teaching you chords on the guitar. I remember giving you a long hug when you were crying because I was going. I'm giving you one now in spirit too. I love you. 

Melissa- you're kind. You can sympathize with others very well. It meant a lot to me when you asked me to teach you how to throw a frisbee. You also share a love of plays with me. Thank you for always helping out with the kids. I also remember giving you a long hug when you were crying because I was going. That made me feel loved. It's comforting to know that this isn't hard just only for me. I love you. 

Rachel- thanks for going on the Sundance lift with me. You made a day of out of shape hillclimbing, gas spilling, awkward prolonged cashier eye contact, and wrong turning, turn into a loved memory. Thanks for always baking good food. You're going to be a great mother. I admire your love of reading. You're smart. And you'll be successful. I love you. 

Kevin- I guess I can say that I've gotten to know you better than myself, after a lifetime of sharing a room with you :-). When you're focused your FOCUSED! Your creative, innovative, and fearless. I always admire how you've always stuck to your workouts. Hiking Timp for your eagle will be a happy memory for me on my mission. I loved that so much. Thanks for truly being a friend to me. We've done so much together. I love you. 

Allison- i'm so grateful we've been able to grow our relationship and friendship so much this year. Thanks for all the support you've given me. Your personality is so fun, giving, accepting, connecting, and delightful to be around. I'm so glad you're my sister and I love you. I love remembering times we worked the same shift at Orange Leaf.  I always looked forward to those. Haha Asian pedicure ladies and getting kicked in the face, Sherri murdering people, and going to cafe rio. You're independent and I admire that. You'll do great in college and if you choose to serve a mission. You're so good at sharing, I remember when we were little kids, how you would always share your candy with me and others. You're pretty. I love you. 

Haha Me- work hard on your mission and give everything you can to the Lord.

Mom- thank you for everything. You hold this family together. You do so much that we fail to appreciate. Thanks for always caring about how I feel and always listening. You have a great laugh and pretty eyes. Thank you for teaching me to love others. Thank you for your example to me of service. I remember you helping a wheelchaired person on an Oregon beach. And you didn't even hesitate. I want to be like you. I love you.

Dad- thank you for being so invested in my success and in my mission. Thank you for teaching me how to work hard. Thank you for being an example of a priesthood man. You're righteous and a good example. I can see your righteous desires and care for our family. Your choices you've made in your life, especially with the situation you've come from, is inspiring to me. Thank you for choosing the Gospel. I don't know what I'd do without it. Also, you sparked my testimony of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. You've built it on so many occasions. I love your testimony. Thank you. I love you. 

Family, please pray for me. Please pray for my Spanish, for help not being home-sick, and for help with the transition. As I'm writing this I have faith in Heavenly Father, but there are times where I feel scared. But I choose faith. 

Until my first letter, I love you. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015

July 1

I want to leave you a part of me. 
Not a gift, because I'm poor and gift giving was never our love language anyway. 
So I'll leave you words. 

Here are my scattered & unfiltered thoughts: 

I just want to write something beautiful,
Like you. 
For you. About you. 

Because of you I'm not afraid of wearing glasses. 
Because of you I've braved my fear of heights. 
Because of you we could prove we would do this right. 

We've already practiced this patience thing before so this is nothing new. 

For 2.5 we'll have to remember memories and love in photographs and letters.

These feelings are taller than I am.

I can't wait to fall more in love with you after our missions. 

July 1 doesn't care how we feel. 
And they don't either. 
They were working and we only had two more days together. 
That dude was biking and we only had two more days together. 
They took family pictures and we only had two more days together. 
That lady was on her phone and we only had two more days together. 
It amazes me how we only had two days together and no one else knows how it feels. 
But now it's here. 
And we don't have any more days together. 
July 1 doesn't care how it feels. He's come regardless of how we feel. 

Songs we played our last night together
Run and go by 21 pilots 
Trees by 21 pilots 
Last Date by Floyd Cramer
Photograph by Ed Sheeran
But most of our night was filled with deep-thought-silence and "how did we get here?"

We were staring into Salt Lake Valley and at the airplanes and what they meant. We were talking into our tomorrow's and remembering our yesterdays. 

Here's a soundtrack to us. 
80s dance-Closer to love by Mat Kerney
Tuesday's night and Wednesday's flight- photograph by Ed Sheeran
Falling in love- wait by M83 and adore you by Miley Cyrus
Our Last date- yellow by Coldplay 
10,000 emerald pools- as itself 
May 11-everything has changed by Taylor swift ft. Ed Sheeran
May 28-bonfire heart by James Blunt
Post mission reunion- all this time by one republic 

I gave you my Mexico bracelet because I want you to remember me every day. 

This Monday morning held the most meaningful silence. And these Monday night tears are for you, because this is hard. 
You asked if I had any last words and all I could think of was:
"Thank you"
And "I love you."

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Ode to May 28th

Maybe it was the air that night
Maybe it was your hair that night
Maybe it was because we graduated 8 hours earlier
Maybe it was the view
Maybe it was the wishbone stick we broke 
Maybe it was my wish coming true
Maybe it was the future calling to us

Mine 34 days away 
And yours 10 days away and in our sight

Maybe it was the lung heaving and heart beating
Lung heaving because it stole our moment's breath 
And made our moment's heart skip
Oh and because we were hiking hardcore. 

Mom said it was about time
Dad said he figured we would happen 

Maybe it was driving the loop that night going hard to our music 
Maybe it was all the "wait"ing our "bonfire hearts" went through 
Maybe it was when you said you'll miss seeing me everyday and how you praise us
Maybe it was how you said my eyes are perfect and how we are perfect and how this was perfect
Maybe it was the atmosphere and how we couldn't shake it if we wanted 
Maybe it was that moment
Maybe it was that moment I went to hold your hand
Maybe it was the fence with our elbows on it
Maybe it's because all of this feels right

One thing is for sure: our checks are sore from smiling so much.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

May 11th

K. I'll tell you straight up. 
This? This. Is. A. Love. Poem. 
The way 
The way all the radio can do is make me think of you. 
The way we've never kissed. 
The way she feels "love" is the biggest four letter word. 
The way her lips meet resistance when she wants to say "love."
The way she translates my heart throbs into penstrokes. 
The way her hair falls over her face. 
The way she carries her identity lighter than air. 
The way we click better than the hands of a clock. 
The way we mesh better than gears. 
The way we write our hearts to each other. 

You are an empty highway
In a flaming sunset. 
43 days left. 
Clock hands are forcing us to pick up the future. 
I'm afraid we'll just have to live with that. 
But at lease we've never been people to scargaze. 

Holy cow I just want to write something beautiful. 

I'll sing to you, and you'll read to me. 
We sound cliche but that's never felt farther away.
This all kind of started with a game of tic-tac-toe. 
From there we've played a game we won't forget. 
We've met an equal match. 
You said you just wanted to harmonize 
And that's all it feels we do. 

So, thank you. 

Sunday, May 17, 2015

If you really knew me

My middle name is Allen 
I was born on Nov 14, 1996 
in Tucson, AZ
I'm self conscious about being funny
More often than not idk what to do with my hands 
My mission call is to Chile Osorno
I used to be afraid of learning Spanish 
I like it when people call me "jake" and I love it when they call me "Jake West"
My mom told me not to let anyone call me "Jake" because my name is Jacob.
I stopped doing that because I like jake more. 
Im the oldest of 10 kids and I'm afraid of growing distant from them because of my mission 
I have a 4.0 and 4th term of senior year will probably change that :)
I love laughing hard. 
I make things funny in my head and when people ask why I'm laughing and I try o explain and it never works and then I'll feel dumb
I used to be terrified of fireworks 
Hugs are easy
I'm a sucker for Australian accents
I stress too much about sweating too much
I'm a totall morning person. 
My first dunk was January of sophomore year. 
Also in sophomore year I fasted for the ability to talk to girls... yeah :)
I'm a good sport but I hate losing
When I do something, I give it my all. 
I'm a singer, but I've never sung a solo
I have 45 days left till two years away
Suncerest elementary, I was the king of that school!
I lived my childhood in Orem
I haven't missed a day of scripture reading for 6 years
I love public speaking. 
In 2nd-5th grade I had a "girlfriend" named Gini. We never actually talked.
As a kid I had night terrors. 
I have a chicken pox scar on the outside of my right eyebrow. 
I'm like, really good at throwing frisbees. 
Whenever I break out it's between my eyebrows and idk why. 
Gospel is bae 
I love a girl. 
Her name is gospel. 
Haha jk it's something else. 
My taste in music is expansive. 
Too much makeup makes me gag. No seriously. It does. 
I have a 37" running vertical leap
I love smiling
I have a dead tooth from being elbowed in the mouth
I love poetry
I'm self conscious about dancing like a white guy. 
I put barbecue sauce on burritos and quesadillas. 
My left pocket always holds my iPod. My right holds consecrated oil and Chapstick. Back right holds wallet and back left holds poem drafts. 
I love black people 

My biggest pet peeve is when people glance at their phones while I'm talking to them. 

Saturday, April 25, 2015


Here's a piece of my heart, this is a list of things that I find most attractive:

-Confidence. Unapologetic confidence. 
-Identity. They know who they are. 
-Standards. She has them. Sticks to them. 
-Laugh. They love to laugh. 
-HAPPY. Smiles. Optimistic. Illuminate the room. 
-Morivated. They have goals. Successful. Driven. 
-Hard Working. 'Nuf said. 
-Down to earth. Smart with their money. Chill with anything. 
-Family. They love and respect theirs. They are close with their family. 
-Willing to try new things. 
-Service. They seek to serve others. They reach out to the individual. 
-Assertive. Voice their opinion. Honest. Constructive criticism. 


This song has so much "heart in it. 

The lyrics... Listen to them.

With or Without you by U2: